The Past Two Days

So, Monday, I woke up around noon. Then I grumbled a bit because I had planned to arise considerably earlier than noon. Then I tidied and considered all the things that I did not want to do, chief among them being ‘call about a job.’

I called about the job. I was invited to an impromptu interview. I panicked. I dressed hastily. I utterly failed to convince an old guy that I was not employed by the CIA, and I only sort of failed to catch the bus.

I was bright and experienced and obviously the best choice for a temporary employee, and I was perched on a swivel chair behind the counter as clients continued to stream past, doctors continued to stream around, and receptionists continued to direct the flow. My interviewer turned back to me every now and then when there was a lull in the action, and asked me “so tell me about yourself” and “what plans do you have for the next five years?” I was invited to return for a trial day. I missed the bus home. 

I bought sustenance (chiefly, water) and read “Lepanto” out loud to myself as I waited for the next one. I spoke with a stranger, and we slowly became less strange to each other on the ride home. I unlocked my apartment, set my alarm clock for early and collapsed.

I writhed for a bit, sleepless.

This morning I got out of bed and got ready and felt underdressed and successfully caught the bus in the rain. I filed and fed a shredder. I considered the fact that my adult life seems to consist of the thought “O God, no!” and the feeling that I could do great things, if only I could figure out how.

I sang to myself at the bus stop (The Scarlet Pimpernel, and Les Miserables), and read “Ceasar’s Antlers” on the bus home. There was mail waiting for the previous tenant, who seems to have skipped town and abandoned all his bills, including his student loan repayments.

I ate ramen. I am writing this. I have now decided to stop writing, leaving this poor post with the faint feeling that it has been abandoned, unresolved.